Reasons Why It’s Great To Be Woman/Man

Women

• Free dinners.
• You can cry without pretending there’s something in your contact.
• Speeding ticket? What’s that?
• You actually get extra points for sitting on your butt, watching sports.
• If you’re a lousy athlete, you don’t have to question your worth as a human being.
• A new lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
• In high school, you never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned.
• If you have to be home in time for Ally McBeal, you can say so, out loud.
• If you’re not making enough money, you can blame the glass ceiling.
• If you’re not very attractive, you can fool ‘em with makeup.
• If you use self-tanner, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a big loser.
• You could possibly live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.
• Brad Pitt.
• You don’t have to fart to amuse yourself.
• You’ll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clippers.
• When you take off your shoes, nobody passes out.
• If the person you’re dating is much better at something than you are, you don’t have to break up with him.
• If you think the person your dating really likes you, you don’t have to break up with him.
• If you don’t shave, no one will know.
• If you’re dumb, some people will find it cute.
• You don’t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
• You can dress yourself.
• Your hair is yours to keep.
  
• If you ARE bald, people will think you did it on purpose, and you’re really chic.
• You don’t have to pretend to like cigars.
• You’ll never have to blow 2 months salary on anything.
• If you marry someone 20 years younger, you know you look like an idiot.
• You’re rarely compelled to scream at the TV.
• You and your friends don’t have to get totally wasted in order to share your feelings.
• If you pick up the check once in a while, that’s plenty.
• Sitting and watching people is all the entertainment you need.
• Your friend won’t think you’re weird when you ask if there’s spinach in your teeth.
• When you get a million catalogues in the mail, it’s a good thing.
• Sometimes, chocolate truly can solve all your problems.
• If you’re under 6′, you don’t have to lie about it.
• You’ll never regret piercing your ears.
• You can fully assess someone just by looking at his or her shoes.
• You’ll never discover you’ve been fooled by a Wonderbra.
• You don’t have hair on your back.
• If anything on your body isn’t as big as it should be, you can get implants.
• You can tell which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
• If you have big ears, no one has to know.
• You can be attracted to someone just because they’re really funny.
• You can borrow your spouse’s clothes and it doesn’t mean you belong on Jerry Springer.

Men

• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• Movie nudity is virtually always female.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• Monday Night Football.
• The bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
• You can open all your own jars.
• Dry cleaners and haircutters don’t rob you blind.
• When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
• A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
• You don’t have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
• You understand why the movie “Stripes” is funny.
• You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
• The garage is all yours.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
• Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
• The National College Cheerleading Championship.
• You don’t have to shave below your neck.
• If you’re 34 and single nobody notices.
• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
• Flowers fix everything.
• You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
• Three pair of shoes is more than enough.
• Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe.
• Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
• You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
• Auto mechanics tell you the truth.
• You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking, “He must be mad at me.”
• You get to jump up and slap stuff.
• One mood, all the time.
• You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
• You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
• You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
• Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
• Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
• You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
• If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
• The remote is yours and yours alone.
• ESPN’s Sports Center.
• Bachelor parties rule over bridal showers.
• You don’t need to pretend you’re “freshening up” to go to the bathroom.
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become life long buddies.
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
• New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
• Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So… notice anything different?”
• Baywatch.
• There is always a game on somewhere.